surviving versus thriving

It's funny. I think I was expecting myself to be more disappointed in Los Angeles than I am. Like I was prepping myself to hate it, and in this way giving myself a little protective coat so that if I did dislike it, well. I was ready. I knew it would be like that. No big surprise. I can always move to Europe.

Here's the thing, though. I don't hate it. I actually really like it. Sure, there's way too many people. I don't know that I ever really comprehended there could be this many people existing around me before. And yes, they drive like maniacs. They give me funny looks when I say "yes ma'am" and "no sir". A "y'all" slipped out the other day and the customer I was speaking to looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But still, I see so much potential here.

At this moment though, it's all potential. I feel stuck. I'm still dealing with things that happened because of the wreck, and it definitely pushed me back a good month from the track I was on. It's also just so. dang. EXPENSIVE here. I mean, I knew that. Everyone knows that. Los Angeles ain't cheap. There is a difference between knowing and experiencing. There's also a difference between surviving and thriving. Right now, I'm surviving. And even that is iffy. Here's the thing, I don't want to survive here. If I'm just going to live somewhere to work and pay off my loans and figure out the next step in my life, it sure as heck isn't going to be Los Angeles. It wouldn't be California. It likely wouldn't even be the US.

That's not why I'm here. I'm here to act. To audition. To fully pursue this desire I have. To thrive. It's sad, but right now all I can do is hold on and hope I get to that point soon. Stresses happen for everyone, and sometimes you just have to buckle down and survive the storm.

worst follow through EVER

And no, unfortunately I'm not talking about the few horrible seasons I thought I'd try my hand at basketball.

I'm talking about this. The blog. The big thing I wanted to do because I love reading them and seeing about other people's lives and I thought maybe someone reading mine would get something nice out of it.

Well, hopefully that person didn't check for the MONTH I didn't post anything.

I do have some excuses though, if you want to hear them.

I started working full time! It was just for the month of December and this is my last week of 8 hour days, but for a little while I was a real high-faluootin' adult! I think that's maybe a real phrase but also I think I just liked writing it. I'm really enjoying my job and I get to speak that French erryday.

Two weeks ago I got into a really horrifying car accident! 

This lovely chickadee ran her red light and just smashed my little car to pieces. I never saw her coming. The moment I realized I had been in an accident was also the same moment I thought I might explode. My car smelled like fire ( the EMTs told me this was the airbags) and I could see there wasn't much left of my front end. I also couldn't get out of my car, because she messed up my door. However, my fear of exploding was SO MUCH BIGGER than my desire to stay in the car, so I adrenalined that lil' sucker open. And promptly fell on the ground and just looked at my car for a bit. So if it had been in danger of exploding, I didn't actually help myself all that much.

But I was okay! They put me in a neck brace (yuck)

HOT DANG Y'ALL I am just extra cute and my face is all raggedy red because I had all these lovely abrasions that were bleeding. They were bothering me so I wiped them off. Hindsight I should have left it for insurance purposes but all I could think at the time was I MAY NEED TO POST THIS ON MY BLOG!

Not really. It's just super bothersome to have blood on your face.

Also, look! -----> 

Yum! I definitely thought my wrist was broken. And that burn was super nasty y'all. But it was probably the worst of my injuries. The sum of that accident was 1 totaled car, 1 neck brace, 1 back board, 1 gurney, 3 police cars, 1 police cycle, 1 ambulance (and ambulance ride! so fun, why even go to six flags?), 1 fire truck, 3 fire fighters, 2 EMTs, 1 CAT scan, 4 X-Rays, and 1 extremely unhappy Shelby.

I'm still bruised and sore, but it could have been so much worse, so mostly I'm thankful. At first the lady lied and said she had a red light, but her insurance company called me today and told me they wanted to settle. And I said whoo! But also let me get some advice on this because this is a totally new experience for me!

Anyways.

Those are my excuses. I feel like we need something to cleanse our palates

OKAY HOW DID THAT PIECE OF UTTER PERFECTION GET HERE?

Palate cleansed?

Good. In all seriousness, I am still loving LA. I wish one of my big welcomes hadn't been something so stinking awful. It did definitely knock all my plans back and derail me, but I'll be all right. For right now, I'm going to eat some chili and watch some Netflix.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas (mine was grand!) and that they take advantage of all 2014 has to offer.

DON'T RUN YOUR RED LIGHTS. JUST DON'T.