recharge with friendship

Hey friends! Talk about a cheesy blog post title, right?

Well, I missed my last Monday's blog because I have just had back to back friendship times y'all, and it has been GRAND.

It can be so easy, especially with technology, to drift away and for friendships to sort of weaken and disintegrate over time. That's why I'm a huge believer in going out and seeing my friends. Sure, it takes a little more effort. Often times you have to spend a little bit of money. But, truthfully, I think the relationships we build with the people around us have such an affect on our lives that we need to put as much into them as we want to get out.

So! To recap:

About two weeks ago my darling friend Nellsyn came to sunny Los Angeles from dreary Chicago, and I got to eat dinner with her and we were surprised with $2.50 margaritas! That's right, folks, if you come and visit me I will take you on a Monday to a Mexican food restaurant within WALKING distance and we will drink up and celebrate what it means to be broke and have access to cheap margaritas! I am living the life here.

The next week my lovely Aunt Di flew to Southern California specifically to see me and to eat Rosa's in California! (She might say the actual point of the trip was to see her son and daughter-in-law, but we all know that was just a small benefit to the Rosa's and the me)



 

There is one Rosa's in all of California, it's in Temecula and if anyone ever wants to go I will gladly drive the hour and half to get me some of that queso.

I also want to talk about how I texted my aunt to ask for this Rosa's picture and she also included this little gem:

because she thought it was funny. And come on, that shiz is hilarious.

Forever grateful this pretty lady let me live with her for five months last year.

A few days after my drive to Temecula and my Rosa's binge, my sweet friend Meaghan came to visit! She just finished all the really strenuous and not-at-all fun sounding requirements to become an American Airlines flight attendant, and I'm so glad I got to see her! We walked all around the area I live on Monday (and I got a gloriously embarrassing sunburn people won't stop commenting on), Tuesday we went to the beach and she came to work with me, and Wednesday we went to Universal Studios! It was great!
I had to include the last picture because I just have no idea what is going on with my face. It seemed worth sharing, though.

My last couple of weeks have been great! I loved getting to see people and exploring a bit more! Also, great news, I'm going home in a little over two weeks! It's just for a little visit, but I'm extremely excited. I miss my parents and my dogs and Texas and queso, not necessarily in that order.

Spend time with your friends! Go make new ones! Experience the world around you. It's good for you. I promise.

what is the color of your dreams?

What do you love to do? this may seem like an odd question, but I think it's important. What do you find yourself doing when you are beholden to no one, when there is no call on your time or attention and you can focus solely on you and what you want to do?

I'm a big believer in the idea that people should do what they love. Maybe it's just because I've been extremely lucky in the examples around me, but I do think it's sad that the majority of the people I see don't appear to love what they are doing.

My dad loves to build. He loves to fashion things with his hands. If he's not at work or hanging out with my mom, he's building. Whether remodeling their house or building some random thing he got the idea for the day before, you can guarantee there's something going on at my dad's shop. And he's good at it. More than good, he's amazing. At least once a month some friend is calling him asking him for help with something. Anytime we visit family someone's been working on a project they want my dad to come look at. He does what he loves.

My mom loves to take care of people. If you let her, she will doing anything for you. And just like my dad, this is something she's so good at. She's an amazing cook, her house is always put together and decorated for every season. People know they can depend on her if they need something. All throughout school my mom was there, taking care of me and my brother and other students. She helped the teachers and ran the PTA and was room mom and let us have sleepovers and has worked with Meals on Wheels for as long as I can remember. She does what she loves.

I have so many more examples of family members and friends who find ways to implement the things they love in their lives. So maybe I'm wrong, and people are doing what they love to do. Sometimes, though, it seems like people are so focused on getting through the next month with money in the bank or worrying about whether their next paycheck will cover their rent that the things they love are so far on the back burner they hardly exist. I don't think life should be that way.

Obviously, I mean I'm in Los Angeles pursuing what I love with all I've got. Many, I know, find this odd. Don't I know how difficult this is? How many sleepless nights, how many full and tiring days I'm signing up for? But, you see, it's important to me to do this. I can't fathom a life where I find some job I may be good at just to pay the bills. I don't want that. I don't think anyone should have to do that.

Maybe it's naiveté. And that's fine. I know that my dad's job isn't what he loves, and that if he had gone through life doing only what he loved my life would look very different. I know that it isn't realistic for everyone to do what I've done, in fact it's hardly realistic for me. If you find yourself feeling lost or heavily burdened, I encourage you to think about what you love. Think about the quiet times in your life and what you did with them. Do those things again. Whether you can pursue that full time or it's something you're able to do once a month, I think it is so important that our lives are not constantly focused on getting to the next point. We must do what we love. And if you're like me, and what you love is hard and people don't understand, that's okay. Do it anyway. For as long as it keeps you happy and you stay sane. Maybe one day it won't be what you love anymore, and that's okay. Do it while it is.

what is the color of your dreams?

http://http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/2b/0d/c9/2b0dc9ef77c26a1657394c60b76e9446.jpg?crlt.pid=camp.FyKnpTVgahID

how to find fulfillment in each day

I realize the title of the post might be a little misleading, like I'm going to be giving you the answer. But really all I'm doing is asking the question: how do you find fulfillment in each day?

This is definitely something I struggle with. I'm a very future minded person. I have lots of goals and ideals I'm always trying to reach. While this enables me to have forward motion, it does mean that I tend to view the every day as something just to get through. For the longest time, I've felt as if I'm waiting for my life to begin. What I'm doing now, this isn't life. This is life's preparation. Once I accomplish this, well, then my life will have begun.

I was always very good at school. I didn't have to try very hard, so I filled up my days with other things. I had rehearsals and tournaments and class meetings. I practiced instruments and did homework and read and wrote. I filled up my days so they would go faster so I could get on to what was next. No matter what I was doing at the moment, what was coming next was going to be even better. In college I started working on top of all the other things, and with a life with no school looming around the corner, I came to accept that once I graduated it would happen. Life would start. It was taking longer than I had originally accounted for, but that would be it.

Obviously these are not thoughts I was completely aware of. I didn't sit around sadly, dreaming about what it would be like. I just never invested much in the day to day, because I was more focused on getting to what was really important. The future. As I've matured (and my life has progressed), I've become more aware of this facet of my personality. I'm certainly not naive enough to think I'm the only one who deals with things this way, which is one reason I chose to write about it today. It's become very important to me to find the importance of each day. To find something enjoyable or fun or what-have-you. To find fulfillment. All this waiting around I've been doing, it's not good for me. I don't think it's good for anyone. Each day is a gift and we are promised not even that. The people around us are a delight. And our futures, well of course those are important. But there's no way to get to the future but through the days that lead to them. Those are important too.

So, I'm going to ask the question again, only this time with slightly different inflection. How do you find fulfillment in each day? Like I said, this is something I struggle with. If anyone out there has any wisdom to share, I welcome it.

i may have spoken too soon...

So I pretty much lead off with my last post about how things felt quiet, not that I was bored but more just that I felt sort of stagnant.

Well, believe me, things are nowhere near stagnant now. I did get another job, so hooray for that! I'm working at this gorgeous theatre in Beverly Hills, which is bizarre in and of itself. There are certain small things that sort of jar me into remembering that I do actually live in Los Angeles now, and working in Beverly Hills is one of them.

It must be the Texas gal in me, but I do not understand the point of having those beautiful huge mansions right on the edge of the road. I mean, what's the point?

Anyway, I took a picture of myself at my first day at the new job, because that seems to be the sort of thing people my age do.

Yesterday morning I was stuck in my apartment complex for a little while because the garage door was broken.

I went to a Mexican food restaurant strictly because I saw they had queso on their menu, and sadly, it wasn't really queso. More like fondue.

And in between all these exciting happenings, I've been auditioning! Which is so much more time consuming than I realized. So mostly I'm just running here and there and everywhere and crying myself to sleep as I watch the gas prices get higher and higher.

so, it's been a little while...

Sorry about that! I would love to say that it's because I'm just so interesting and busy that I simply didn't have a spare moment to sit down and write a blog post, but that would by lying.

Truthfully, things have felt pretty quiet around here. In a way it's a good thing because it indicates that I'm really starting to feel comfortable with my life here. That's not to say I haven't been doing things, because I have! I finally got some new headshots that I'm so very, very happy with, and that enabled me to really get set up on Actors Access! Now this question has been asked to me a couple of times, so I thought it might help to give a teensy bit of extra information.


In some way or another, people have wondered how exactly one embarks on this whole acting thing. Everyone's heard of an agent, so the first question I'm often asked is whether or not I have an agent. It's true, agents are extremely important because they have access (hopefully) to auditions that you, the actor, wouldn't. However, in my experience you want to attract a really great agent who's going to be able to get you in places but isn't so huge that you would get lost in space and forgotten about. Because my resume isn't super impressive by LA standards (90% theatre, not much film/television) and I don't have a professional reel I'm not necessarily at my best place to get an agent that I really think would work. So, what to do in the meantime?

Well, there are websites like Actors Access which enable the actors to submit themselves for auditions! Granted, the auditions are mostly student and short films, but at this point what I (and actors like me) need to do is acquire enough material to balance my resume out more in the favor of film/television and to create an impressive reel. That's where I am right now. Since I signed up for AA (I realize how that looks, but I'm tired of typing it out) less than two weeks ago I've had seven auditions offered to me (of those there is only one I won't be attending and three that have yet to happen) and gotten one callback. I have no idea what this looks like compared to the experience others might be having, but I know I'm pleased! What this says to me is my headshots are working to get my foot in the door, which is their inherent purpose! Soon I should have a little reel up on my profile that will hopefully help shoot me up the lists and get me even more auditions. This is the place I am right now in my career, just moving forward steadily to help polish and create an impressive (hopefully) and marketable brand.

I also made a website! I'm super proud of it, but it's also the first time I've ever done anything like that before so I welcome any (constructive) criticism or thoughts anyone has! I'll post the link to it after this post. The nice thing about my website is that I will work very hard to keep it constantly updated with what's going on with me professionally, so if you're interested in that it's a good way to keep up with me. There's also a direct link to my blog from the website, so you can start there and move straight here!

In other news, I have an interview tomorrow to potentially add another job a few nights a week. Although I do want to be as available as possible for auditions/workshops/classes/what-have-you, I also need the peace of mind afforded by being able to afford LA a little bit more than I can right now.

I'm going to focus on updating this blog more regularly as well. I love reading blogs and check my favorites every day for new posts and it's always disappointing when they disappear for a while. Not to say that I think this blog fills that spot for anyone, but I still want to be more accountable with it. At the very least, it allows me to hash through exactly what's going on with me and see how far I've come!

the website address is fairly simple:

www.shelbyannelee.com

don't forget the 'e' on the anne!

surviving versus thriving

It's funny. I think I was expecting myself to be more disappointed in Los Angeles than I am. Like I was prepping myself to hate it, and in this way giving myself a little protective coat so that if I did dislike it, well. I was ready. I knew it would be like that. No big surprise. I can always move to Europe.

Here's the thing, though. I don't hate it. I actually really like it. Sure, there's way too many people. I don't know that I ever really comprehended there could be this many people existing around me before. And yes, they drive like maniacs. They give me funny looks when I say "yes ma'am" and "no sir". A "y'all" slipped out the other day and the customer I was speaking to looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But still, I see so much potential here.

At this moment though, it's all potential. I feel stuck. I'm still dealing with things that happened because of the wreck, and it definitely pushed me back a good month from the track I was on. It's also just so. dang. EXPENSIVE here. I mean, I knew that. Everyone knows that. Los Angeles ain't cheap. There is a difference between knowing and experiencing. There's also a difference between surviving and thriving. Right now, I'm surviving. And even that is iffy. Here's the thing, I don't want to survive here. If I'm just going to live somewhere to work and pay off my loans and figure out the next step in my life, it sure as heck isn't going to be Los Angeles. It wouldn't be California. It likely wouldn't even be the US.

That's not why I'm here. I'm here to act. To audition. To fully pursue this desire I have. To thrive. It's sad, but right now all I can do is hold on and hope I get to that point soon. Stresses happen for everyone, and sometimes you just have to buckle down and survive the storm.

worst follow through EVER

And no, unfortunately I'm not talking about the few horrible seasons I thought I'd try my hand at basketball.

I'm talking about this. The blog. The big thing I wanted to do because I love reading them and seeing about other people's lives and I thought maybe someone reading mine would get something nice out of it.

Well, hopefully that person didn't check for the MONTH I didn't post anything.

I do have some excuses though, if you want to hear them.

I started working full time! It was just for the month of December and this is my last week of 8 hour days, but for a little while I was a real high-faluootin' adult! I think that's maybe a real phrase but also I think I just liked writing it. I'm really enjoying my job and I get to speak that French erryday.

Two weeks ago I got into a really horrifying car accident! 

This lovely chickadee ran her red light and just smashed my little car to pieces. I never saw her coming. The moment I realized I had been in an accident was also the same moment I thought I might explode. My car smelled like fire ( the EMTs told me this was the airbags) and I could see there wasn't much left of my front end. I also couldn't get out of my car, because she messed up my door. However, my fear of exploding was SO MUCH BIGGER than my desire to stay in the car, so I adrenalined that lil' sucker open. And promptly fell on the ground and just looked at my car for a bit. So if it had been in danger of exploding, I didn't actually help myself all that much.

But I was okay! They put me in a neck brace (yuck)

HOT DANG Y'ALL I am just extra cute and my face is all raggedy red because I had all these lovely abrasions that were bleeding. They were bothering me so I wiped them off. Hindsight I should have left it for insurance purposes but all I could think at the time was I MAY NEED TO POST THIS ON MY BLOG!

Not really. It's just super bothersome to have blood on your face.

Also, look! -----> 

Yum! I definitely thought my wrist was broken. And that burn was super nasty y'all. But it was probably the worst of my injuries. The sum of that accident was 1 totaled car, 1 neck brace, 1 back board, 1 gurney, 3 police cars, 1 police cycle, 1 ambulance (and ambulance ride! so fun, why even go to six flags?), 1 fire truck, 3 fire fighters, 2 EMTs, 1 CAT scan, 4 X-Rays, and 1 extremely unhappy Shelby.

I'm still bruised and sore, but it could have been so much worse, so mostly I'm thankful. At first the lady lied and said she had a red light, but her insurance company called me today and told me they wanted to settle. And I said whoo! But also let me get some advice on this because this is a totally new experience for me!

Anyways.

Those are my excuses. I feel like we need something to cleanse our palates

OKAY HOW DID THAT PIECE OF UTTER PERFECTION GET HERE?

Palate cleansed?

Good. In all seriousness, I am still loving LA. I wish one of my big welcomes hadn't been something so stinking awful. It did definitely knock all my plans back and derail me, but I'll be all right. For right now, I'm going to eat some chili and watch some Netflix.

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas (mine was grand!) and that they take advantage of all 2014 has to offer.

DON'T RUN YOUR RED LIGHTS. JUST DON'T.

and now i'm employed

My dad is actually the one who reminded me of this. Before I moved to Los Angeles, I talked about the job I would have to support me while I began to pursue my career. At various times, I said different things that would be nice to have in a future job. I wanted something I could do early in the morning so I would have my afternoons free for auditioning and my nights free for events and class. After a not so great experience at an extremely corporate restaurant, I craved something small. And, in a sort of pipe dream, I talked about how nice it would be if I found a job where I could speak French.

Never once did I think that I would find a job that I did. It's funny, and I didn't even realize it until my dad pointed it out, but it fits everything I had talked about. The things I talked about were not things I had hoped to find all in one job. I thought maybe I'd find a job that fulfilled one of the things I wanted, maybe two. Right now I work as a sort of cashier/hostess/server at a French cafe/crêperie in a town called Sierra Madre. I go to work at 6:30 and am home before noon five days a week. I get to speak French everyday with the multiple French people who work there, including the Parisian owner. It's small, and there aren't many people who work there. I'm so content.

Of course, it's not perfect. It does, however, have the potential to be wonderful. This job alone is not going to be enough, and I'll be looking again for a second job come the new year until I am getting enough auditions that turn into jobs. For now, I'm feeling much happier. I've got a job I don't dread going to everyday. It allows me the freedom to pursue what I came here for, while still getting to work on my love of languages and be immersed in the culture I miss. 

I'm still getting used to things here, but much less surprises me. Last friday was my monthiversary with LA! It's not as terrifying to drive into Hollywood anymore. (Nobody's lying to you when they say the traffic is awful or the people are ridiculous drivers. It's all true, and my least favorite part so far!) It's fun that on my way back home from the bible study I go to I get to see the Hollywood sign. My apartment is almost finished and soon I'm going to put up Christmas decorations! Things are clicking. Things are great.

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the hiatus, these past couple of weeks have been a bit tumultuous. Sometime this week I'll have a post full of pictures so you can really see what I've been up to. 

instructions not included

My goal right now is not to let myself become depressed/angry by the fact that I have sent in AT LEAST 35 applications and have received two responses. One of which was an interview that then got canceled because they filled the position (thanks a lot JERK WHO GOT INTERVIEWED BEFORE ME) and the other is Craigslist related and thus potentially sketchy. Not that everything related to the ol' craig is sketch city, but yes it is. So there's that.

In trying to stay in line with my goal, (I mean what's a gal to do? I feel so useless but until someone gives me an interview I just have to keep filling out applications which is just the worst) today's blog is going to be a list of all the reasons why whoever gave out the adulthood certificate should be fired. I haven't earned mine yet.

1. Even though I already ate some ice cream today, I just made myself a milkshake. Gosh it was so good and also now my tummy is a little hurt.

2. I've been wearing the same paint covered shorts for probably the past five days. Sometimes I change shorts when I leave my house. But generally not. 

3. I've been working out steadily for the first time since 8th grade I'm pretty sure! But the only way I can get myself to go is to sign up later than 12 hours before. The cancellation policy is if you don't cancel 12 hours before the class, you have to pay the full price. I'm too cheap (and unemployed) to pay twice fore something I don't show up for, so this little lass has gotten up at 5:30 four mornings in a row and worked out! 

4. Actually number three might be okay as an adulthood qualification.

4. The other number four didn't count. If I am having any sort of problem at all I call my parents. If I am having any sort of achievement at all I call my parents. If something random happens or I completed five more applications or I stubbed my toe I call my parents. Today I left my mom a Skype message showing her how sweaty I got after my work out this morning. Because she didn't answer. And I wanted her to see how sweaty I was. Too much. I'm just too much to handle.

But I was exceptionally sweaty.

5. I'm tired of coming up with things for this list so I'm stopping here.

Ugh. See guys?! I'm totally unqualified to be an adult. Someone should take care of this. I think my mom needs to call all these places I've been applying and let them know that I'm a special snowflake who deserves an interview! 

What's great and also kind of weird is that I'm pretty sure she would. 

This blog is going to be extra successful mostly because I never just start writing without any sort of plan as to what I'm going to write about. My posts are always concise and sensible. This is going really well for me. 

a few days ago in an apartment far far away...

Wow. It is really hard to come up with things to write for a blog! But I really want this to be a thing, so I'm working to actually write something that might be interesting to more than just my mom.

So. This blog is going to be about an online submission I sent in a few days ago!

About a week ago a link was posted to the Baylor Theatre facebook page that had to do with an open casting call for Disney. This sounded très sketch, but I checked it out anyway. Lo and behold, it seemed to be a legitimate open casting call for the new Star Wars movie! Completely random, but as my unemployed butt didn't have anything better to do my roommate and I decided we would film each other's auditions and send them in. Thankfully he has a tripod and a camera or it could have been a little more interesting. The description of the character I was reading for is as follows:

Seeking: Young woman to play 17-18 Years old. Must be beautiful, smart and athletic. Open to all ethnicities (including bi- and multi-racial).

Yikes. Hey Hollywood, great to see ya. Beautiful, smart, and athletic? Really? Okay, no fatties or uglies or dumbies allowed. The heck? It was kind of sad for me to see that but it also reminded me of where I am and what I'm doing. This is Los Angeles. This is Hollywood. Only the beautiful need apply.

Beautiful? Thankfully I have great self esteem, so I slopped on some maquillage to make myself a convincing 17. Which is funny because without makeup I look about 15, so I didn't really need it to look young. However, I did want to be able to fulfill the beautiful requirement. And as long as my mama says I'm beautiful that's what I'm going with.

Athletic? Ehhhhhhhno. Do I want to be? Yes! In fact I went to my first spin class today (it was heated like hot yoga) and it was awesome and kicked my butt and I can't wait to be back. But at this point I've had a few too many croissants to be considered Athletic. How did I solve this problem? Well, for the full body shot I stood up straight and maybe took a really deep breath and held it. Worked out okay for me.

Smart. This is the one that made me laugh because SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS I could be the dumbest person in the room but as long as I can read the script in front of the camera you have no way of knowing my level of thinkingness. I could be the next Stephen Hawking. Plus, it's ACTING. Acting is pretending to be something. It may be something you are and it may be something you're not. THAT'S THE POINT.

Anyway. John and I recorded our auditions and sent them in! Woo! Do I expect anything to come of it? Certainly not. But I did get to audition for Star Wars and that's extra fun. I'll include some pictures of my make up transformation just because I'm not that good at it and it might be funny for someone to look at. Also it was fun for me to do and that's the whole reason I did it.

Disclaimer: I am not a beautiful, smart, and athletic 17 or 18 year old. My race is if the light hits me wrong the reflection of my paleness could blind you. Nor am I a make up artist. I'm an actor. I'm a girl who likes to have fun by auditioning for things that might be slightly ridiculous and experimenting with my makeup because someone gave me a reason to.

...So don't judge these pictures too harshly!

no makeup

highlighting/contouring

blending! also one eyebrow.

finished! one eyebrow looks darker because of the light from the window.

So? Did I look like a beautiful 17-18 year old?

Here's the website if you want to audition! http://opencastingcall2013.com

the noho hobo

The hobo is me, in case you were wondering. I'm not making fun of an actual hobo.

So far I have applied at six different places, three of which are currently hiring. I haven't heard back from any, and thankfully am only experiencing some light heart palpitations. I really don't enjoy being unemployed and not knowing how long it will take for me to become employed. On Monday if I haven't heard anything I'm just going to walk down the streets where I live and apply at every place I pass. Seeing as this will likely take the majority of the day, I'll feel extra hobo-ish on Monday. So I'm really looking forward to that.

All in all, my time so far in LA has been really great. I finished the majority of my unpacking on Monday and Tuesday, all that there is left is to finish hanging all of my decorations up. I also decided that I'm not doing this big of a move again. Either I won't ever move again, I'll sell all my stuff, I'll make some super buff friends, or I'll be extra rich, but I really don't want to be in this situation again. Let's be real, moving is exhausting.

This first week has been a good one because I've had something planned just about every day of the week, so I haven't had too much time to just sit in my apartment waiting to hear back about jobs. Tuesday I went to a bible study and met some other girls who are currently working in the industry. Wednesday I had coffee with a lovely lady who's been living out here for a few years and shared some of her Hollywood wisdom with me. That was also the day I was stopped in the street and asked if I wanted to participate in the filming of a new MTV reality show. And today was the day that my alma mater was just wonderful and awesome! My roommate and I went to a watch party in Hollywood and met some other Baylor alums and really enjoyed watching the game. The new uniforms are snazzy, y'all. I really like them. We also got lunch with a friend from BUT (Baylor University Theatre) and got to catch up with her.

I'm really satisfied with my time here so far. Granted, I'll have been here a week tomorrow, but I'm still grateful that I've had a good transition time and things are running smoothly with me. Hopefully soon I'll get a job and won't have to feel like such a hobo. Till then I'll keep having coffee with friends and soaking up what it means to be living here. It's an exciting time.

welcome to [north]hollywood!

Dang. I'm here! I actually made it here with all of my limbs and some money in the bank. I'm fairly impressed with myself.

I decided I really want to try to update this blog on a regular basis, at the very least for my family to be able to sort of keep up with the shenanigans I'm getting into. So today's post is going to be about the move, and on Thursday I'll write about what it's actually like a resident of Los Angeles (in my limited experience) and what I've been up to since Friday!

So, the trip! My parents and I left my (practically) childhood home of Haslet, Texas at the lovely hour of 5 on Wednesday morning. My dear old dad drove our moving van and mama was stuck driving my little Insight. The first day we made it all the way to the edge of New Mexico and stayed in a town whose name I can't remember. But it was nice because I love NM. There was a wonderful surprise waiting for us the next morning in the form of snow! And ice! Which we had to defrost off of our cars! Seeing as I moved from extra hot Texas to just regular hot Los Angeles, that might be the only bit of winter I experience this year. And I would be okay with that.

Thursday we drove from that one town in New Mexico to Los Angeles. The whole drive was just great and simple right up until we hit the outskirts of LA. Typically we slowed immediately down to about 20 mph and enjoyed the wonderful gift of driving with crazy LA drivers in rush hour. We did make it to our hotel in North Hollywood, (where some parking hijinks ensued) and collapsed gratefully into our beds at the end of that night. Friday morning after a bit of scary will-we-fit-in-these-narrow-lanes-or-not tomfoolery with the Budget, we arrived at my little apartment. And happily began to unload my and my roommates things for the next FIVE HOURS. Let's have a hooray for extra fantastic parents. If yours suck you can just add a hooray in for mine.

Yikes. This is likely the most boring blog post ever, but I really wanted to get going and before I did an actual LOOK AT ME HERE I AM HOLLYWOOD YAHOO post I wanted to do a OH THIS IS SAD BUT ALSO AWESOME AND STRANGE AND OH MY HEAVENS LOOK SHE MADE IT post. I'll add some pictures to spice it up.

 [gallery link="none" type="rectangular" ids="149,150,154,151,152,155,153"]



Okay. So there's that update. Get ready for the equally thrilling Thursday update where I talk about applying to work at the 24 hour Subway. Oh, but I get ahead of myself.

adulthood is writing notes and throwing things

Oh man. Yesterday I completed so many things and was feeling great. I singlehandedly called the electric company, the gas company, and Time Warner Cable to set up everything we would need for our apartment by the time I move in next Friday and John a few days later. I was commended for being such a nice person. I was polite to the poor TWC girl even though that company is the WORST and every dealing I've had with them has been less than pleasant (sorry Greta, but I did mind my p's and q's). Most importantly (to a control freak like me) I wrote down everything. All the information that I was given was written down so that there could be no question if I needed to refer back to it later. And then, feeling rather accomplished because I had been wearing my big girl panties a little longer than usual, I exited out of my notes and ate dinner with my family. 

Everything was super great and delicious, per the usual when your mom is just an exceptionally fantastic cook. She really is, and she also didn't get mad at me when I threw my stuffed bear into the window and broke the blinds after I realized my computer had eaten every single word I had written. I also may have started crying pretty loudly. My memories are fuzzy.

I know it wasn't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I mean, the accounts had still been opened. Everything is going to start on the 1st of November. The TWC guy is supposedly supposed to come from 1-2 so we'll just see what happens with that. I guess it was just the fact that the actual proof of what I had done was gone. And life is kind of scary right now, so I like to be very assured that everything is going to work out exactly the way I need it to. 

How unfortunate for me that in life we are pretty much guaranteed it's not going to work out the way we think we need it to. How wonderful it is to know that I'm never the one in absolute control. And by wonderful I mean wonderful-but-also-very-difficult-and-I'm-not-exactly-comfortable-with-this-but-okay-I-guess-I'll-give-it-a-shot. That kind of wonderful. 

the best laid schemes

One of the hardest things for me to accept is how little control over something I have. I am the type of person who has a plan for everything. When I went to Europe with my best friend for three weeks I had our time planned out to the day. I knew the train schedules, ferry times, the various museums and things, etc. We had reservations for every single hostel months and months before the trip. We had a great time and saved a ton of money because we did things very economically and we had a plan. 

Not everyone is like this. Some people can step off of the plane and just go, without any sort of forethought and nothing holding them back. I am not this person. Sometimes I envy this person.

The reason I'm writing about all of this because my future seems so uncertain right now, which is amusing because it's not at all uncertain. I'll be in Los Angeles in about 25 days. My parents (or parent, depending on whether someone turns the government back on) will unload me and I'll start trying to get a job. And then, life. That's my life. I will be figuring things out as I go. There's no way to plan, not much more control I can exert. It's absolutely frightening, and sort of exhilarating. I'm excited and scared. I can't stop smiling and I have nightmares. For a long time it's felt like I was waiting for my life to start. I guess it's finally going to.

I'm ready. 

 

 

quote from to a mouse by robert burns

expectations are things I should not have

It's amusing that my last post was about how stressed I was. Looking back, that was a piece of pie (I don't like cake, therefore I have to change up the saying to fit my own situation). After I graduated and moved back in with my parents, I thought it would take a couple of days, maybe a week for me to get a job serving somewhere. There are TONS of restaurants in the DFW area, it really should not have been an issue.

Here's the thing though. Even though I applied at somewhere in the realm of two dozen restaurants, I had five interviews. No one offered me a job. Now, I served all through college. I've worked at small family restaurants and at bigger corporations. I have a dadgum theatre degree and am good with people. Still, it took a month for me to realize that now matter how delicious my bait was, none of the fish were biting.

I expected a couple of different things that could happen to me in this interim period before I go to LA, and those expectations caused me to sit around waiting for something that never happened instead of moving on to something better. I ended up packing up my things again and moving in with my aunt and uncle in west Texas. The oil boom has been crazy out here and I got a job at Red Lobster 4 days after I arrived.

I guess I'm writing this to remind myself that I can plan anything I want to plan, but the likelihood that things are going to go according to that plan is almost nil. And that's okay. It's so okay. This is something I need to learn, to let go and live my life as it's happening instead of sitting back and trying so hard to control every little piece of the puzzle. There are enough people out there who love me and support me that I will never go hungry. I will never be homeless. In their eyes, no matter where my life leads I will not be a failure.

I want to remember all of these things. I'm trying to focus on the blessings and not the disappointments. I can't wait to get to California.

stress city

I am at a point where nothing is more stressful than impending adulthood. NOTHING. Today I ate soft serve and a chocolate chip cookie for lunch. Does that sound like the diet of a healthy, functioning adult to you?

Blerg. I mean, what even is this? Yesterday I got a sunburn in my beginning tennis class (hooray for a one hour credit where I get to look like an idiot and flail around with a raquet!) because Texas is stupid and decided to skip spring. I also went to a loan repayment seminar because, hey, I have those and apparently they weren't given to me just because I'm awesome. Let's be real, they should have been.
So, after I call my dad freaking out because PRIVATE SCHOOL IS EXPENSIVE Y'ALL, DANG, I remembered that I had a masterworks test I needed to study for. Being a theatre major is not all Meisner and farcical fun, sometimes you have to know what's canonical and why, etc etc. Long story short, too much stress and I gave myself a lovely migraine. Had to call into work which means less money to pay off my stupid expensive loans. Life is hard, dadgum it.

So, I now declare that I have never been more stressed about things than right now, nor could I ever be. Stress will never be more than this...at least until next time.

(hey TMJ, great to see you)

future life times

All that I've done today is read blogs. Well, that, bake some cookies, and drop off a check at the bank. Granted, they were blogs that pertain to my future life and what I want to do with it, so in that sense it was kind of research.

I'm just not very good at being a sedentary person. Yes, sometimes it's nice to take a day off and not move from your space on your parents' comfy couch, but how many of those does it take before that's your regular day? Thankfully, neither myself nor my parents would ever allow that to happen. It is very easy to see the future in a negative light, especially with everything negative you hear about everyone else's future. All I hear is that the economy is in the pooper. People my age are simply out of luck. A college degree is next to useless (even if it's not a BFA), get ready to work at McDonald's if you're lucky enough to get a job (hey, food service, already prepared to head at ya!).

The good thing about what I want to do is I'm expecting a certain rate of what others would consider failure for a while. I'm actually pretty excited about it, because it means working to do what I love, and I really enjoy doing what I love strangely enough. Before that happens though, I have about four weeks left of classes and six months after that of working to have a nice little safety net of cash before I head out to the daunting city that is Los Angeles.

[how to love yourself] why i'm obsessed with lucille ball

Guys. I. LOVE. Lucy. Love her.  Who wouldn't?

She was absolutely gorgeous. She was real. She went through hard times. She loved abundantly. Looking back on her life, as someone who (unfortunately) never met this wonderful women, it seemed like all she wanted to do was make people laugh.

And she did. She enthralled a nation who responded with guffaws, chuckles, knee slaps, and love. They loved Lucy.

Lucille Ball has been a hero to me for a very long time. I can't remember the exact moment I watched her in black and white acting crazy on my television screen and thought, "I want to be like her", but it happened. And then, as a freshman in high school, when I was scared and new and didn't know what I was doing, a UIL One Act Play judge gave me an award and told me I reminded him of Lucy.

In that moment I realized that someone telling me I was like Lucy was enough for me to keep pursuing something I might really love. So I did. I went to college and am about to graduate with a Theatre degree because I believe it okay to view making people laugh as a worthy pursuit.

I'm still figuring things out. I'm still scared. Unsure. Wary. I often feel like I'm not good enough. I often think that there are so many more important things I could[should] be doing with my life. But I love acting. I love making people laugh. It makes me happy. And if Lucy taught me anything, it's that you should do what makes you happy.

. 

love that girl.

she's my favorite

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
AND
EVERYTHING ELSE
FALLS INTO PLACE
lucille ball